5 Stages of Healing
I have experienced many straight up miracles in my healing journey. I am a night and day different person today than I was a year ago, and a year before that and a year before that.
The “how” is the question I get asked the most. How do I heal? How did you do it? How did you find the time? My answer is in this one moment. By simply asking these questions you are already unraveling the self-inflicted complexity of your life, thoughts, and pain.
I didn’t even realize the changes were happening at first. The shifts were so subtle until one day it was like waking up in a completely different world. There was more space in the world, in me, in my mind. It was like being born again. Now that feeling is what gets me up in the morning. It is my vision, my drive. If I feel this good now, now much more is there to see and do.
Often in your healing journey, we hear people talk about experiencing deaths in your life. Not physical death, but a spiritual one. Where a whole part of you has served its purpose and is ready to be let go. In my journey, as I kept hearing that comparison between death/rebirth, I noticed the stages I went through were the 5 stages of dying found in On Death and Dying by noted Swiss-American psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross. She states that we pass through different emotions to work through the pain of a terminal diagnosis. If you are seeking healing, you have given yourself a terminal diagnosis. The “you” you have acquired and developed is no longer serving your highest good. You are ready to let her die and be reborn a new you.
I have re-written the stages a bit to bring me light and joy at the deaths I am facing every time I think of them.
“When accountability becomes painless is when healing occurs.”
Denial - The first stage is finding the trigger. Things you think you could never do, or that make you bristle just at hearing them. This is also things I think I don’t have to deal with. ( The “Oh that doesn’t apply to me” mentality) It could come in the form of victimization. This one is a big one for us humans. Any time accepting full responsibility for your daily life is painful which is a sign of denial.
Anger/Depression - These two emotions are actually the same. Anger is outward-facing, and depression is anger turned inward. After we realize the pain we have been sitting on anger at being kept there for so long or depression at allowing that in ourselves. In our society, this is usually where we get stuck.
Bargaining/justification - there are many times that I find myself justifying how much I accountability I have to take. To move out of this stage, I practice taking extreme accountability. What if I created the situation I am in now completely? No one else was at fault. I practice that and process the emotions that come up until I can move to the next stage.
Accountability - Dr Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross calls this stage “Depression.” And I agree with her. However, I mean it in its physical sense. The first 3 stages get us all worked up in a lather. When you accountability becomes painless healing occurs. This stage is the release. The forgiveness to allow yourself to come back to peace.
Change/Acceptance - Start again.
I hope this brings some light to where you are today. Thank you for spending some time with me.